Let's not beat around the bush here: A lot of Valentine's Day gift guides are just plain boring.
Sure, we can all appreciate a good bouquet of flowers or piece of jewellery — the heartfelt stuff is nice once in a while. Once in a while, though. Not every damn year.
Not every couple thinks Valentine's Day means mush to the max and, for some of us, Valentine's Day is the perfect excuse to give in to primal urges. And hey, sometimes spicing things up in the bedroom is the most romantic thing you can do.
We've scoured the internet to find the sexiest gifts on the market this year, making sure that as many kinks as possible get some recognition. Whether your boo is into toys, BDSM, or a bit of food play, there's bound to be a gift option that satisfies their nether regions and their heart.
Because the only gift better than something super Instagrammable is something so naughty, only you two can know about it.
NSFW warning: Before you scroll any further, we'd suggest making sure your screen isn't visible to bosses, children, or conservative family members. This one is probably best to scroll through when there's nobody else around.
Oh yeah, and we apologise in advance for using the word "penetration" so many times. No matter how sex-positive you are, that word sucks.
Without further ado, here are the sexiest Valentine's Day gifts this year.
Personalised Boxer Shorts — best for couples who like a laugh
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Underwear is always a great gift, even if it won't be on for long. These novelty boxers have your name printed above the design with the words "was here" and lips below. Made with stretch jersey, they're comfy too. These make a great gift idea for Valentine's Day, an anniversary, birthday, or any other romantic occasion.
Gold-Plated Vibrator — best for lovers of gold
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Gold jewellery? Please. Gold sex toys are the new "it" gift, and the 24K Crave Vesper vibrator necklace (also available in silver and rose gold) doubles as a surprisingly elegant necklace for fun on the go. Its four control settings are virtually silent, so your flatmate will be none the wiser.
Water-Based Lube — best for improving her sex life
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Make this V-Day one to remember. The Liquid Silk Lube is water-based, non-tacky and doesn't dry out easily. Sensation is enhanced and tension, dryness, and discomfort are decreased.
Sex Position Wedge — best for trying something new
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Is it an understated pillow? Is it a sex toy? It's both. The Liberator Sex Position Wedge takes pillow talk to a whole new level, acting as a prop that can allow for more direct contact, deeper penetration, and a wider range of motion.
Chocolate Fondue Set — best for couples with a sweet tooth
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Skip right to dessert and melt together with this retro Valentine's-themed fondue set. With a ceramic pot, separate warming stand, and tea light, you can warm your treats without worry of burning or wires. Hey, no one said the chocolate had to go on food.
Silk Bedding — best for bougie couples
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Ah, cool and slippery. We're actually talking about sheets here — these pure silk sets from Lilysilk can turn the average bedroom into a castle and have you both feeling like royalty. Sleeping on silk sheets can also reportedly offer benefits like helping with dry skin and preventing split ends.
Lingerie — best for couples who love fashion
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Do we need to explain this one? Lingerie may sound like a V-Day cliché, but making your S.O. feel like a supermodel will never get old. Because you get to see them in it, it's basically a gift for you, too — especially when garters are involved.
Aphrodisiac Cookbook — best for foodie couples
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Couples who stuff their faces together stay together. This aphrodisiac cookbook can expand your nightly menu by introducing dishes involving 19 mood-setting ingredients, and tag-team cooking is a great way to carve out extra time together. The food puns and borderline-pornographic illustrations are an added bonus.
Oil Diffuser — best for sensory couples
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Turn the bedroom into a sanctuary with this essential oil diffuser and aroma humidifier. Take in the aphrodisiac scents and set the mood with a colour-changing glow. Plus, this item has a huge 300ml capacity for eight hours of continuous use.
Bondage Kit — best for experimental couples
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When hair pulling is outlandishly vanilla, BDSM might just be what your relationship is begging for. This beginner's bondage kit includes four adjustable cuffs and a comfy eye mask for endless restraint possibilities. Whether you strap 'em to something or go full-out hog tie, it's sure to spice things up.
Vibrating Ring — best for upping the penetration game
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If you like it, then you really should put a ring on it. Get both partners stimulated with a vibrating ring. Fancy sex in the shower with a little something extra? Then this chunky waterproof vibrating ring is the perfect purchase for you.
Flavoured Condoms — best for responsible couples
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These well-reviewed rubbers by Skyn are cocktail flavoured, available in feisty piña colada, strawberry daiquiri, and cherry sunrise. And you know what's actually sexy? Preventing STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
Couples Yoga Book — best for New Year's resolutions
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Whether you're both devoted yogis or would do literally anything other than exercise, this book on yoga for lovers is guaranteed to get hearts racing. Not only will each partner be getting stronger and flexible for more bedroom possibilities, but partner yoga is also supposed to strengthen the bondbetween two people. Did we mention the half-naked, sweaty part?
Amazon Echo Show — best for long-distance couples
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Does being long distance mean you can't have sexytime? Hell no. Sexting is sufficient when you're at work (so long as your colleagues and boss can't see) — but when both partners are at home, the flirty nteractions shouldn't be limited to text and pictures. The new Amazon Echo Show offers hands-free video calls, a walkie-talkie like drop-in feature for fun surprises, and Alexa commands for mood-setting music.